Here I am, in Denver, trying to hide my tears from my friend. I really wanted to stay with Steve, but am having fun with his ex. I understand why my ex would think I came here for Steve, but I came here to run away. I forget that my emotions, memories and thoughts are always going to be with me.

Trying not to reach out to rebound or the ex. These feelings of guilt need to stop. I had accepted that I was not wanted and that exception allowed me to move on and do what I did. We are not going to get back together, so I don't understand why I am freaking out so bad. On that same note, my heart is so tied up in the past.

It's clear from todays texts, that I am nothing more than a fuck buddy. I knew it going in, but being so bruised and emotional right now, it is making it a bit painful. I don't want to resent him for being open and honest..... I won't resent him for it, but I am feeling shitty because it.

Self sabotaging myself again. Eating crap, not drinking water, not sleeping enough and creating more problems for myself on an emotional level. When does the self abuse stop? I wonder if it ever will.