The one place I find true comfort- my coffee shop. Ok, so I frequent quite a few but one in particular feels like home. I can come here in the mornings and focus. The only spot, the only time of the day.

I miss him today; his touch, the way he used to look at me. I really miss his face too. I loved what he looked like after not shaving for a week. His lips were so soft and pillowy and his eyes..... I could get lost in them. They reminded me of images you see of Buddha, sitting there with big, half-open eyes meditating. I could look at his face and know what he was going to look like as an old man, and it was comforting to me.

I like his half cocked smile too, but there is a lot that I did not like. The dull, vacant stare every night when he got home after hours of telling me "just 30 more minutes." The hygiene issues that had become commonplace- not showering before going to bed, not brushing his teeth and then we have the pack of cigarettes a day.

There was a lot that I had become mean about. I can't expect any relationship to last if I act that way. I also know that both parties need to be able to compromise and talk about their needs and wants; something we just could not do with one another. I don't think either of us was able to shut off our own internal voice, so we could hear the other person.

Wow- it's that time already. Time to head out to my completely unrewarding job.