This is a weird process. Reading back through my blog, it is clear that I wanted out, or wanted change (and I know you can not change people). I wonder if I will ever just love someone for who they are and not need them to change or compromise. I doubt it, but that's for me to worry about later down the line.

Let's rewind to October 99. I was home packing, to move to NY and my friend (who we will call G0 brings over my now ex: A (who was recently separated). I knew his wife and I was getting ready to go live with my ex-fiance to try and make it work (that's a song and dance I'll save for later). I had a gentleman over for the evening that I had just met in a month long drug study that earned me quite a few thousand. They ask if I want to go out to see the Red Elvises, but I declined due to having company. A few nights later, they dropped by again. This guy was sitting on my bed and I thought he was a little funny looking, but there was something about him. I excused myself and went to the bathroom to put on some make-up. Yea, me, put on makeup so I look better for this guy I don't know jack shit about. When I go back to my room, my cat is sitting in his lap.......which she never did with other people. Hook, line and sinker; I was caught without anyone else in the room knowing wtf happened. G had been taking to each of us saying "so and so likes you" and was trying to hook us up for a one night stand before I split town. I guess he was not as honest with A about his intentions, because when we got to the Black Cat, A walked up to me and said "there's my date, isn't she cute." I replied "not really", wrinkled my nose and walked home. A called me the following day and apologized. Apparently, once I left, G explained what was up. We decided to set up a date and I asked if he would bring a copy of his divorce papers because I did not want to be "that woman".

Let's face it, I like sex more than most people, but I am not into other people's husbands. Even date #1, he could have seen the real me had he paid attention. The fact that he thinks I cheated on him really still hurts me.

Date #1- He picks me up and I have him show me the paperwork before I let him through the door. We decided to just go bar hopping. Early in the evening, we went to Club DeVille. A guy there was making fun of his flame painted cowboy hat (I now know this is a clear symbol for 'This guy's a douche'). I see A taking his gloves off in the corner of my eye and think, 'no you don't buddy; no fighting on our date' so I turn around and get in the guys face. He ends up apologizing and we head out to another bar. Later in the evening, we end up back at DeVille. We had talked about everything that night. It was wonderful. After a lul in the conversation I say "you wanna go in the bathroom and fuck". He promptly put his beer down, got up and walked towards the ladies room.

Once in there, he started taking off one of his shoes. I looked at him like he was crazy and he pointed to a hidden compartment that he had stuffed a condom into. It was all I could do not to laugh. I'll spare the details on what happened exactly, but in the middle of it, some women came in and complimented us on our shoes.

We decided to go to my place and finish. I thought he was about 35 years old at the time. Once I got him home and undressed, I thought to myself that he is a balding, skinny white boy and that I should not be intimidated by him (but I was). He then let me know that he was only 23. I was so disappointed by this, but I am still not sure why. Anyway, we finished up and I started to explain that I really do not like waking up next to strangers and he asked if I was kicking him out, I said yes, but told he he should call the following day (which he did).

The following week was intense and I missed my first flight to NY, on Halloween, on purpose. It was his first wedding anniversary and I went with him to the Black Cat. Wouldn't you know it, his wife was there. She walked up behind him and said "happy fucking anniversary" and drug her nails down his back, ripping his wife beater. I walked away.

I will never forget leaving his house that last time. I was going to sleep at my parents, so they could take me to the airport the following day. It must have been 4am. I was looking at his apartment building, driving away, in tears. This was the most intense fling I had ever had and here I was, leaving it for parts unknown. I was excited about NYC. I had wanted to live there since I was a kid. It was a dream come true for me (except the situation I was in with my ex-fiance and now this new fling). Deep Purple- Space Truckin' came on the radio at that very moment and I turned it up and sped away to see what the future held, knowing that I needed to leave Austin.